Columbus Day: A Day to Celebrate the Colombians in My Life

And not just the ones from Columbia, South Carolina and Columbia, Missouri….I’m talking about the ones from Colombia, South America, most of whom think Christopher Columbus, or Cristoforo Colombo, or Cristobal Colon raped and pillaged their ancestors…But the fact of the matter is….if you’re from the Americas, at some point you have to be grateful that your European ancestors did make it here and did rape your American ancestors so that you can exist now. It may have sucked for your American ancestors, but it sure worked for your European ones, and for you.

The politics of ethnic cleansing aside, today I celebrate the four most important Colombians in my life: Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Shakira, Juanes, and last, but certainly not least, Fernando, who is actually the perfect combination of the first three.....although most people only get to see his Shakira side.....and although I’ll be the first to admit that if they haven’t already made a gay porn version of “Love in the Time of Cholera,” Fernando should definitely play the role of the doctor, and they should definitely call it “Love in the Time of Mariconeria”…..All that said, Fernando is as rich in spirit as Pablo Escobar was in riches of this earth.

He has straightened me out more than once, with his consejos, kindness, and other acoutrement….which I am quite sure would also be found in Shakira’s make up bag. He has a supreme capacity for foregiveness, unless you are a straight guy who cheats on one of the women in his life.

In a recent viewing of “Sex in the City,” the movie, he confided that although he thinks Steve is a cutie patootie, he would never be able to condone the cheating, and hence, Miranda would just have to move to LA, where her gay Latino friends would help her raise her baby in Samantha’s condo next door to Gilles’.

I am reminded that Fernando is the most conservative of Mis Gran Hermanas, as he adjusts his bifocals to get a better look at the photos on one of his bootie call websites. “Mija, come look at this guy’s lips,” he exclaims with delight. “Now let’s look at his naked pictures….”

“The African King had nice lips.” I say.

Busily multi-tasking, Fernando looks up from his screen filled with closeups of various guys’ money shots, and peers over his bifocals sighing, “I know Mija, but the bottom line is he cannot provide for you, and therefore he is not appropriate.”

Part of me knows that Fernando has spoken the truth yet again. He periodically sums up huge truths with a one liner. He came to visit me in Brooklyn once, and we looked so out of place there, like two tropical birds next to a little wooden bird house made by a Cub Scout. We made the best of it, but by the end of the evening he made the astute observation, that maybe LA is the perfect median point between the South and New York. It’s sunny and warm, people have time to talk and hang out, but they’re liberal AND friendly. I did not think there could be such a things as a rude liberal that has no time for you until I spent some time in New York City.

All the self help books say you have to love yourself first before you can really love anybody else or they can love you. My late blooming on the path of self-love may explain many things in my life….but I begin to practice it, by seeing myself the way my dog and some of the people in my life see me, the people that don’t hold back. Fernando does not hold back, not with plants, not with animals, not with people. He throws brutal honesty in there for the humans, but increases his level of tact depending on how much he cares about your feelings. I appreciate his tact and caring with me. I can see it upsets him when I do not take care of myself. I now see that not taking care of myself is just as wrong as ripping one of his orchids out of its coconut pod. I reflect on how guilty I would feel if he left me in charge of his plants and I let them die, and apply that to myself.

Fernando believes in living every day as if it were his last, in every way. He leaves no regrets. He leaves nothing unexpressed. He leaves nothing unconquered, or unconquisted. He is a fearless explorer, pushing past the possibility of getting gobbled by sea serpents, or sailing off the edge of the eath, or it ending in 2012, entering foreign lands, and thriving in them, and he is also a native, loving and caring for the plants, animals, and people around him, until he returns to them.