Friday began as my sometimes days do….a day when I definitely would have blown my brains out all over the bathroom floor were it not for my rock solid belief in reincarnation. It would be my luck I’d get reincarnated in Darfur, which I reckon would be even worse than my current situation. I had a major Force Majeure of the heart on Monday, and it had just begun to set in. Also, in my attempt to deal with the plummeting California real estate values, I realized I no longer could rent my house out for anything within $500 of what I was getting for it before, so I decided the hell with it: I’ll move back in so I have a chance of re-financing my loan and rent out the two back rooms. Unfortunately, the people who rented out the rooms turned out to be characters from a D.H. Lawrence novel. Banford moved out this week, and I am looking for a lesss Lawrencian replacement for her. Unfortunately, March, who I overtly despise, continues to remain, dares me to evict her, and most of the time refuses to pay rent, and acts like, well, what I can only assume she is. So I spent much of Thursday on Friday on the phone with lawyers, which hardly ever raises the spirit.
I debated whether or not to go back to my second interview at Scentura. I did not see how selling perfume in parking lots would greatly improve my situation, and I would probably be too late anyway since I had been having a nervous breakdown most of the morning. I decided to go ahead and curl my hair and put make up on and just go and see what happened.
When I entered, the other 25 applicants were watching a video. It was not exactly a corporate video, yet it did represent all of the major corporate values, as it was none other than “Stepbrother” starring Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly, and the perfect antidote for my morning. I lost myself in the film, and thought, this could be a scam, but at any rate it is definitely a welcome change from the eight years I spent at IBM.
As we listened to the briefing, it turns out you don’t have to sell perfume in parking lots, that is optional, you can sell it other places….but quite frankly, by that point, I had already decided that if I have to sell perfume in parking lots to get March out of my house, I’m OK with that. I’ve done other degrading things for money (or just ‘cause), and if this is what I have to do, I’ll do it.
Apparently, the perfume is actually real, they just don’t sell it under the trade name it’s known for, such as “Aqua Di Gio.” They sell everything under the name “L’observee l’essence,” which is French speakin’ for “know the scent.” Suddenly I felt a glimmer of hope…..I know somebody who loves to smell good, loves name brands, but doesn’t like to pay full price for them….her name is “every gay guy in Los Angeles”. I also realized since I can speak Spanish now, I can also market to the bathroom attendants in the clubs that always have lollipops and perfume in hopes of getting bigger tips….hmmmm……this could really work. I started imagining my West Hollywood office, with scantily clad buff young boys out front, confronting every Tragic Troll that walks by….and then I’ll branch out to Palm Springs…. And we’ll have booths at every Gay Pride in America.
Some of the perfumes have feremones….maybe I’ll just start wearing them everywhere I go and see what happens…
I passed the next gauntlet….I’ve been invited to start on Wednesday! How exciting to work for “The Man” again! The first time in 4 years!
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